Whee

LINJING THE BEST EATS THE REST (:

2008-09-05T21:06:00.000+08:00

Term 3 had somewhat ended, and the only reason I had not posted anything on farewell was because it didn't felt like it was the end.

The September holidays had been really hectic - running in and out of the house for projects, guitar, lessons and meet-ups. I'm really glad I was able to make time for my family and friends, despite all the bloody (but fruitful) stuff I had to do. :D

I can't wait for school to reopen. /:

Charlene(♥) accompanied me for my haircut today! It kinda turned out like a half-bangs-half-not-bangs-with-gaps-cause-of-partition thing. Still, I guess its pretty okay. ;D Anyway today was fun (I didn't do any shopping for a really really long time)! (:

- - -

The Extremely Chim Number Quiz (by Ong Wai Meng and Rachael Lee)

First, name ten boys (gays included).
M1. Javyn
M2. Nicholas
M3. Timothy
M4. Soedar
M5. Junzhong
M6. Junyang
M7. Augustine
M8. Yuchen
M9. Shawn
M10. Kenneth

Then, name ten girls.
F1. Selina
F2. Racheal
F3. Cherie
F4. Charlene
F5. Agnes
F6. Valerie
F7. Xiaoqian
F8. Yeekay
F9. Casslyn
F10. Emily

What if M8 got first in class?
Yuchen. We'll go Sakae Sushi as a celebration, then he'll foot the bill. :p

If F1 suddenly joined your CCA how would you react?
(If she's already in your CCA replace 'joined' with 'left')
(Replace 'CCA' with 'school' if she's not in your school)
Selina. I doubt she would. But well, if she do, I'll probably like, welcome her with open arms (?).

What if M3 suddenly grew shorter/taller than you?
Timothy. I'll point at him and laugh (sadist, I know).

If F10, out of nowhere, treated you to a meal, what would you think her secret motive is?
Emily. She's just in love with me! No have to think so much! xD

M6(for guys)/F6(for girls) falls in love with an unexpected person (e.g: the most ugly/hated/unpopular person) in your class. What would you think of him/her?
Valerie. Oh no! That means I'm the most ugly/hated/unpopular person in my class. D:

What if M1 was a vampire?
Javyn. He'll have to jump to bite my neck. :p

Is M10 a gay?
Kenneth. Don't think so.

What if M7 raped F4?
Augustine, Charlene. Suah can't take five heartbreaks (super glue also no use already!).

Is F2 a lesbian?
Racheal. NO.

If M9 reveals to you that he is a world-renowned superhero, what will you do?
Shawn. *dies of laughter

If F8 announced that she was migrating, you would...
Yeekay. I'll go kidnap batman in Singapore so she won't migrate.

What if you never met M3(for guys)/F3(for girls)?
Cherie. No more good scripts and talking about guys! DDDDD:

What if you never met F8(for guys)/M8(for girls)?
Yuchen. ///////////////: He cracks the best joke whenever I was dying of boredom during family gatherings.

What if M4 contracted a disease and would die in two months?
Soedar. TOUCH A LOT A LOT OF WOOD!!! He's the world's best brother please!

If M1(for guys)/F1(for girls) was of the opposite gender instead......
Selina. I'll be stalked.

Name what would happen if the following dated:

M5 and F4
Junzhong, Charlene. *thinks about what would happen to Suah with six heartbreaks.

M2 and F9
Nicholas, Casslyn. They don't know each other. But well, if they dated, Cass would get kick out of volleyball. D:

M10 and F7
Kenneth, Xiaoqian. Hmm...

M8 and F2
Yuchen, Racheal. Out of the question.

What would you do if F9(for guys)/M9(for girls) confesses to you that he/she likes you?
Shawn. Now a world-renowned superhero is in love with me! *second time dying of laughter.

Now switch the two numbers over. (Yes, M9 for guys and F9 for girls) What would you do?
Casslyn. Doesn't really bothers me...

Would you ever be in a relationship with F3(for guys)/M3(for girls)?
Timothy. ...

Will M4 and F5 ever date each other?
Soedar, Agnes. Really doubt so.

If M7 started steading F1?
Augustine, Selina. =.=

Rainbow Coloured Jellybeans (:

2008-08-31T14:28:00.007+08:00

♥♥♥: PCS, Mr Soo, Mr Poh, 6G07, PCS canteen food, Macs, Charlene, Agnes, talktalktalktalking, late nights, late mornings, Soedar (for the graphic card ;D), Aunt Lena (for The Tenth Circle), strawberry flan cake, Valerie, Xiaoqian, skittles, history project (I'm kidding) & laughter. (:

I WANT MY SEXY DEUTER BAG DAMNIT. /:

Alive

2008-08-25T16:27:00.004+08:00

I haven't disappeared.

I needed time to think, and some things are better left unsaid.

I'm glad for those who inspired me, showed me how the unbelievable could be possible somehow, whether they knew it or not.

I feel encouraged, and more importantly, ready to take on future challenges. Those hiding, those waiting, LinJing will take them on. :D

Be strong. Believe. (:

Cycle Cycle Cycle ;D

2008-08-10T16:33:00.013+08:00

LINJING CAN CYCLE!

After close to five years of living in shame for not being able to balance on a bike, I have, finally, learned to cycle.

Cleared close to 25 km with Uncle Frank today at the PCN. (: Its a really good workout/tan for me, though I crashed into three lamp-posts and one dustbin along the way. /: And yes I feel super accomplished now. :D

Anyway, this year's national day theme song (Shine for Singapore) is really inspiring. Pretty much made me felt like, whoa, I'm proud to be Singaporean manzxc. :D

Go, Singapore. ♥

Valerie's house on Friday after the rather dead-crowd national day celebration at AHS. It was really fun (especially how we started screaming and jumping around like crazy when we finally finished singing the entire edited version of Kiss Goodbye after god-knows-how-many NGs). (:

Onwards, to rollerblading lessons(?), movie date, and alot alot of tests. (:

61

2008-08-02T19:38:00.012+08:00

You were crying and I didn't know what to do. I could have done something, anything, to cheer you up.

But still, I did what I do best.

I ran.

---

I feel like getting into my favorite pjs, jumping onto my sexy bed, and then sleep for a million years.

2.4km run duty with Gary at ECP in the morning. I couldn't cheer right (cause I did't even felt right) due to my lack of sleep but its still pretty fun watching people run. Sadistic much?

Then headed to Artserve and collected the really chio class tees!

Went back to PoiChing in the afternoon with about half of 6G. In one way or another, they all seemed to look different from the way I remembered them.

Especially Javyn, who shot up to almost my height and broke his voice (sounds wrong)!!!

PoiChing felt the same. Homey. Even with the new coats of paint, its as if I could find my way around it with my eyes closed.

Chatted with Mr Soo (zomg his daughter's really cute :D), Mr Poh and some other teachers. I missed the times when a teacher constantly pushes you. Secondary school had been more of an endless cycle of self-pushing. D:

Drained.

60

2008-07-27T00:34:00.012+08:00

I don't know why but FM Static's Tonight make me want to cry. D:

Even though the song has pretty much nothing to do with what I'm feeling now.

July's slipping away. I've never felt so busy, yet so accomplished in a month. A lot had happened, both good and bad. I just hope that the bad will, well, eventually work themselves out somehow.

You can't feel the ups without the downs. Face it, and stop whining about the injustice of life.

Been thinking about the past (again) lately. It seems as though time had whizzed past me and took away all the dearest things I could no longer hold on to. First it was 6G and volleyball, then it was grandpa and godsis. Now?

I just hope I could grasp the things I have now tight enough so that it won't be taken away too.

Hang in there. (:

59

2008-07-20T15:38:00.003+08:00

LINJING NEEDS MOTIVATION. D':

There's so much to be done, yet so little time. I used to be able to force myself to do everything I don't want to, but now its getting so difficult, so difficult to concentrate. ):

Caught Red Cliff with XQ and Nick yesterday. It was okay... a lot of blood, a lot of fighting, and a lot of hotness from Takeshi Kaneshiro. :p

Had LJS, stoned at Artserve for the class tee and played the drum machine thingy in the arcade. (DRUMS ARE THE SMEX YO. (:) Then stoned at Artserve some more after the movie. Happy day. :D

I don't like weekends. ):

58

2008-07-16T19:55:00.006+08:00

Been bombarded (thinks of that episode of The Simpsons and cracks up) with tests lately.

I guess its better this way... the last few weeks had been really hectic, and I don't need the amount of tests I get now to top it off. Now that all the stuff had ended, it's time I get back to mugging. D:

Still, give me those busy-like-hell-but-no-tests days anytime. :p

LinJing feels like she needs some retail therapy.

Soon. And badly.

57

2008-07-09T23:18:00.000+08:00

(Induction camp, Valerie's place, Student Council Investiture.)

You know, when I was told that she ran back to her formal family, I was shocked to the extent of being speechless. Goddad and godmom doted her as if it was their own, and they don't deserve any of this in any way.

Yet, I saw it in a different way, today.

Sometimes I feel that family drama is all I ever get.

Investiture went fine. I didn't screw it up (it isn't enough to be noticed okay!).

Some more guitar stuff, and I'll be done for the week. :D

I'm tired.

56

2008-07-04T22:10:00.002+08:00

I've been hiding for so long that now I forgot how to be the person I truly am.

Was it something I said?
Or was it something I never did?

You know, when you just told yourself that you've done a great job surviving a busy week, you don't want to find yourself staring at hurtful words.

Fruckantastic.

55

2008-06-29T20:03:00.000+08:00

Student Council Induction Camp!

♥♥♥: student council, the camp, welfare, Ice Lemon Tea, Shi Jia, Jeremy (Ma), Lance (sp?), the other facilitator whose name I could no longer remember, Li Dan, Elaine, Zhi Tao, Joel, cheering super loudly, all the cheers, captain's ball, Caterpillar (though I keep losing balance and had to hold on to others for support), flour, Charmaine (for putting flour on my head), Yunxuan, Jasmine, Cornelius, all the other councillors, eagle's nest (my soon-to-be second home), SuanTianKuLa thingay (okay, not the drink, just the spirit), HaiNanJiFan with welfare...

Frankly, my memory of the camp is getting kinda vague, I must be getting a little senile or something. Ugh.

Or perhaps it felt too unreal.

Whatever it is, I'm glad I joined council (and welfare!). It felt like a family.

Anyway, I'll be as buseh as a beezxc next week, with all the guitar practices, malay (I think I forgot to mention but the timing changed to 3-7 on Tuesday!), investiture rehearsals and tests.

I'll make it. :D

Oh, and sorry for using a little excessive amount of exclamation marks today. I can't stop zihighing! (:

♥Love Love Love.

54

2008-06-22T15:40:00.004+08:00

Yeah, I'm home.

Jakarta was... Jakarta-ish, I guess, with all the 2-hour traffic jams and everyday-just-keep-eating-and-sleeping-days. I didn't even did a lot of shopping. Ugh.

Back to school!

53

2008-06-09T13:47:00.009+08:00

(Jarkata, December 2006)

Top five reasons why going overseas for a holiday suck.

1) I end up missing guitar practices when performance is in one month's time(!).

2) I'm going to get fat eating.

3) Packing. Duh-uh.

4) People like me end up worrying what I should wear and what I should not so that whatever clothes that I want to bring overseas will be cleaned, ironed, and ready.

5) You found out you don't have enough pairs of socks because your brother (and yes, he still refuses to teach me to ride a bicycle) has to work and ALL that's left are those AH ones.

No, that's not the point. The point is, I have to go and buy them. In ugly clothes, no less.

- - -

Still, I miss Jarkata. Kinda.

Miss me!

52

2008-06-04T23:16:00.006+08:00

Guitar bonding (2 June), Lynus' birthday party (1 June).

I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to show you how weak I was. I didn't want to...

When deep inside I knew that's exactly what I am.

Sometimes, I really feel that no wonder how much of an over-achiever I become, its never enough.

Fly.

51

2008-05-29T18:20:00.003+08:00

These long, draggy days that seemed to stretch on forever. You want to do something productive, like get some of your holiday homework done. However, you can't concentrate on your work and you don't feel like doing anything. Your lack of motivation is driving you crazy, and you're feeling pathetic. Yeah.

Fuckantastic.

I don't even know why I'm blogging now.

LinJing is obtuse.

I want to watch Spongebob Square Pants.

Long John Silvers Combo 1 is the smex yo.

But I want to go outttttt!

Bouncy bounce.

Stop it.

Stop what?

Stop venting your boredom in your blog, okay? It's irritating.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall!

Stop it, you -profanity-, why are you such a -profanity-, what the -profanity- is wrong with you?!

Ugh.

50

2008-05-26T21:20:00.010+08:00

♥♥♥ Saturday 24 May 2008, Valerie, Shijie, Nicholas, Sarah (and co.), Drillbit Taylor, Tampines Mall outdoor playground, Orange Julius, Hillsong United Youth Concert, light-saber-alike-stuff (?), jumping, screaming, waving hands over heads, Muah Chee, Sunday 25 May 2008, Aunt Lena, Soedar, Yuchen, Indiana Jones, J.Co (!), 26 May 2008, Casslyn, SAND ART, squeeze bottles with postal colours (?), chicken nuggets and chit-chatting. :D

ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!
ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!
ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!
ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!
ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!
ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!
ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!
ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!
ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!
ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!
ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!
ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!
ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!
ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!
ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!
ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!ILOVESANDART!

49

2008-05-23T16:32:00.010+08:00

Its the end of Semester 1.

You know, sometimes... you do things without a goal? You just do things because it seemed like the only right thing to do. You run and run, pushing yourself to your limits. However, you've been running so fast, that you didn't really take a step back and take a look at what you've done. Or what you even want.

I've achieved something I could only dream about. Yet, it wasn't my goal. Nah.

Well, I don't actually have a goal in the first place. Still, things are not turning out the way I want them to.

I made my family head over heels, but I'm afraid they'll be more disappointed, at the end of the day, when my luck runs out.

Meanwhile, I guess I should just enjoy these extra attention. Hmm...

Happy June holidays.

48

2008-05-17T21:40:00.005+08:00

Casslyn, 4+ years and always counting.

---

I was watching news on the China Earthquake with Dad earlier.

It makes me cry seeing all the victims of the earthquake. They didn't know what was going to happen until it hit them, right in the face, while painfully taking away what they thought they owned at the blink of an eye. Families are broken, dreams are shattered. And they couldn't do anything to save those who are dead. Helpless.

Its not like there's always a tomorrow, you know?

How would you feel if someday there's this major disaster that kills everyone you know, leaving you alone to fend for yourself? What about seeing someone you love die in front of you and you could do nothing to save that person? Or amputating your own legs so that you could live?

I'm blabbering, darn it, but this feeling is frigging overwhelming me.

47

2008-05-12T16:37:00.006+08:00

Today I'm in the state of euphoria due to the following reasons:
1) Mom loved the present that I proudly present to her at midnight.
2) Excessive amount of whipped cream consumed last night.
3) I KILLED SUPERBIA IN JEANNE D'ARC ON THE FIRST TRY!!!
4) After reading the chinese storybook about the tsunami thingy, I realised I'm really really really fortunate to be in a country so safe, and all my family and friends around me. So its like, I should be happy la.
4) We did fashion designing for art today, and its like super cool.
5) I thought the skit was going to turn out to be a disaster, but everything is turning out fine and its getting really fun during rehearsals/discussion. And I love my group. We rock your socks.
6) Maths and Miss Lee rules.
7) Everybody (around me) was highhighhigh in class and on the way home. :D

All this resulting in my:
1) Obvious craziness in school today (and last week).
2) Being exceptionally nice today. (:

And lastly, I should:
1) Stay in this mood.
2) Call up Singtel to cancel my Music Pack, the bloody service that charged me $5/month for a service that I'm not using.
3) Persuade parents for braces.
4) Tell. Soe. To. Burn. The. Photos. (which he and I have procrastinated for like, 2 months).

Seriously, I didn't know I could blabber out so much crap when I'm so blissfully happy. :D
Anyway, this post is for all who complained that my posts are too short. :D

46

2008-05-04T19:06:00.004+08:00

♥: Valerie, Xiaoqian, Xuanqi, Nicholas, Truffle, Valerie's house, Valerie's parents, taking pictures, swings and see-saws, Big Gulp, videos, talking, Indian Poker, Ryan Higa (:x), pizza, 7-Up Raspberry, 030508, chasing Xuanqi/Nicholas, 7/11.

You should be studying.

45

2008-04-24T17:42:00.004+08:00

♥A thank you beary much to the guitar seniors for the wonderful handover cake!

What's the worse thing that happened to me this year?

That's right. And you know what? There's more.

Yeah, another funeral.

My weekend's pretty much gone. Threw tantrum at home yesterday cause momma practically forced me to cancel plans this weekend (again). Sorry, momma, I didn't mean it. ):

I finished up the 49-days vegetarian's practice for grandpa on Monday and sort of wanted to continue being a vegetarian. But momma just had to start cooking Taiwanese sausage for dinner and I couldn't resist. Hahah.

I'll get my own vegetarian practice by 21, I swear. :D

44

2008-04-19T22:48:00.006+08:00

Played Jeanne Darc for 6 hours today! Feeling relaxed left, down, right, up and center! :D

Sometimes I really think Mom contradicts herself without knowing she's actually doing it. She was complaining I'm working too hard since secondary one and then when I start to game today she was like, "Shouldn't you be studying, uh?".

Cute thang. (:

Thank you for always being there for me.
Telling me what life is all about.
Helping me along my studies.
Believing that I could do it.
Cheering me up.
Saying a simple, "every thing's gonna be okay".
(And well, leaving the PSP behind today so I could indulge myself in that little, smexy device. ;p)
Happy Nineteenth Birthday. (:

w♥,
me. (duh.)

43

2008-04-10T19:17:00.004+08:00

Adorable, ain't it?

Heh heh, was flipping through some photo albums earlier this afternoon when I saw some really heartwarming photos. :D Sort of reminded me to be nicer.

♥Dad, Mom, Soe and all. :D

Time has been whizzing past lately, so fast that I could barely comprehend what's happening. Its like - oh its Sunday today, ugh, there's school tomorrow *whines*, oh my mama its Thursday already!?.

Anyway, there's like a gazillion tests and assessments next week for me. Maths class test, guitar assessment, science common test and home economics practical test. I hope I'm studying hard enough, and doing things right.

Today is my 39th day vegetarian! Besides the (accidental) sausage, scallop and two KFC popcorn chicken anyway. Whee.

It's been a long time since I said this, but yeah, I love life. :D

42

2008-04-04T22:10:00.005+08:00

Fourth April.

... ...
a palpable sense of expectation...

greeted by silence.
... ...

I am seeing in me now
the things you swore you saw yourself.

Nothing's perfect, get that into your thick skull, LinJing.

41

2008-03-30T17:50:00.006+08:00

Fulfilling weekend.

The concert was fantastic, though I had to like practically fly with the girls from city hall MRT station all the way past citylink to Esplanade in order not to be late. But we made it! With three minutes to spare. :D

Screamed like oo-la-la outside Esplanade while taking photos. Left early but waited for Soe and Jean at city hall MRT so the rest of 1c's caught up with me. (:

Met up for lunch with Casslyn and Cristal yesterday and family gathering today! Didn't really have the time and mood to study. Ugh, leave it to tomorrow! :D

Busy week ahead.

40

2008-03-26T18:52:00.002+08:00

I got back, as expected, my terrible chinese common test result back today.

It sort of doesn't really matter, I guess, momma and pappa doesn't really bother too much about my results - I study because I want to study, not because they force me to. I won't get reprimanded, I won't be given a disappointed look.

I had only let myself down, down, down.

I knew I could do it, you know? If I'd worked hard enough. I mean, I've done it once, why can't I do it again?

I think I'm turning into a nerd.

39

2008-03-19T20:45:00.001+08:00

I'VE EARNED MY FIRST DOLLAR!!!

First hundred, actually, for working at the Food&Beverage Fair. :D (So uncle did gave me pay!)

I'm so proud of myself. Its been a long time once I felt that. Proud of myself, I mean. I've always felt the my results are all by fluke, I take doubly long to understand maths compared to my classmates. And my Ang-gerl-rish had always been powerderful.

There's this female singer from some singing competition on television that came to our school today. She's got an interesting life, man.

I know I should stop wallowing in self-pity, but why is my life so mundane? Its almost like you could predict my next move or something.

Maybe I should go blow something up. Hmm...

38

2008-03-13T23:14:00.007+08:00

Things are back to normal, sort of, anyway.

I've got a job! You know the food fair thing at Suntec City Convention Center? I'm helping out at my uncle's stall there. Without pay, sadly. But its okay, I've learned a lot there, like how to be thick-skinned enough to shamelessly offer free samples of food to uncles and aunties walking by even when half of them give me this you-are-retarded look.

Ugh.

I'm tired. I've been standing from 10-6 for two days, introducing macadamia nuts and scallop products to uncles and aunties who came to the food fair just for the free samples.

Its not that bad, I guess. I mean some aunties are really nice, and I saw this really cute guy with his mom yesterday. Ooh la la.

37

2008-03-07T19:15:00.003+08:00

It came so fast. Even with sort of a two years 'mental preparation', it came so quickly.

Too quickly.

I should have a lot to say, so much had happened.

Its... one of the few rare times I saw my dad tear. The way he paused for a few seconds, before painstakingly telling me and brother what we already expected when the phone rang.

Then there was silence. And then... tears. Plentiful of them.

And those who usually appeared so strong, so calm, let their emotional side show. At the hospital. Outside the ward.

No matter how much I tell myself its probably better off this way for him, I can't help crying.

Let it pass.

Let it pass...

36

2008-02-27T18:48:00.002+08:00

Mom asked me how come I'm so sad lately.

Because, mom, because, I cannot play the guitar - I can't read the notes, and I can barely coordinate. Because, our family's in a mess and I cannot do anything to help make everyone feel better. Because, I don't want to disappoint you guys, yet I'm not confident about any of my tests. Because, I want to tell you all how I feel but I'll start to cry before a word even come out of my mouth. Because, I'm so tired of you all contradicting yourselves just to make me feel better.

But of course I didn't tell her that.

Aaah. Baah. Gaah. Haah. Laah. Maah. Naah. Raah. Yaah. Zaah.

I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy.

Alleluia. I'll say that until it comes true. :D

35

2008-02-22T22:07:00.005+08:00

为什么还要我用微笑来带过？

说真的，这个礼拜过得廷充实的。我不是赶着去上马来语课，就是去练习吉他，要不然就是去学用水栽法种菜。平时在家里休息的时间也都渐渐地被改成为测验准备的时间。

好有满足感哦！我既然能成功的逼自己去上今天的马来语。凭良心说，马来语课也不是那么的纳闷，至少比地理科还有趣吧。

这几天心情也不是说很漂亮。无缘无故眼里就会忽然泛着泪光。觉得不开心，但也不知道自己到底要这么样才会快乐。觉得自己压力好大好大，但是和某些人比较之下，我根本没有资格说自己压力。

最恐怖的是，我不知道我到底要的是什么。

我不算十全十美，但算起来，我有的东西也好多：一对疼爱我的父母，一个很可爱的哥哥，过得去的成绩，没病没痛健健康康的。。。

或许，我该开始学会珍惜，而不是要求。

算了。。。别在想了。

气氛闷的就像要下雨我在等回忆光临

记忆中那场相遇还如此清晰

34

2008-02-16T18:46:00.004+08:00

Stressed.

Physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension.

There's so much things to do, but so little time. I'm feeling burned out already - I look at my books, and I just can't study. No matter how much I force myself, it just stop working.

With that "I love studying. I love going to school. I love revising" mask on me for so long, I don't know who am I anymore.

My head hurts.

Its just PMS. Really. Well, maybe not. Ugh, whatever.

33

2008-02-10T21:42:00.000+08:00

Its difficult trying to live up to everyone's expectations.

Its sort of unfair, if you think about it. If you did it once, even if its by fluke, everyone will expect you to do it again.

It just gets more disappointing at the end of the day, when you failed.

I'm tired.

I've lost the way I used to express myself. I could not longer explain to others things in my perspective.

Maybe. Its better off this way.

32

2008-02-07T23:42:00.000+08:00

Happy, happy new year.

Didn't really enjoyed myself during reunion dinner. There wasn't much atmosphere without Chen around, and for a meal that cost more than my one year allowance put together, it tasted way below standard. (I still felt rather happy at the end of it though, cause 1) I got Soedar to take a picture with me 2) Soedar gave me his crackers in the yusheng thingy. ;p)

Whatever. I guess that's beside the point anyway.

Chinese new year visiting, almost the same as being hurled at with various sensitive questions by your relatives, or someone you don't even know. Then you sit down and stare until its time to go home.

The red packets make it all worth it though. :D

♥Cleff

31

2008-02-02T23:11:00.001+08:00

One thing in common about me and CasslynLeeDaiYi - we'd both got spastic hair. (from left to right: DY, LJ ♥)

Casslyn came over today (:D). Chatted and shunned each other like nobody's business. It felt really good seeing her again after like, a month or something.

I missed those crappy moments with her.

Alot.

Meet up soon, honey-eeeeeeeeee! :p

30

2008-01-28T17:44:00.000+08:00

I swear, I love those lovely, big bear hugs from Xuanqi. :p

Things are getting better (although I still have to keep asking my poor desk-mate -Xiaoqian- to help me along integers, some spellings for english and whatever else I missed cause I wasn't paying attention. Thanks.) already, so thank you all for encouraging me when I wasn't feeling too good about myself.

I'll have to spend my 2008 going to TSS for the Malay Special Prog. thing on Tuesdays and Fridays. I doubt I could cope, but I really shouldn't just quit before I even try. So I made a pact with Soedar - I'm going to go through a half year "trial period" sort of thing before I choose to drop it or not.

There's really nothing much to talk about. Its just... no matter what happens, I'm trying to be positive about it, instead of whining all day long and screaming "die le la" even though I'm not going to die.

I hope it helps.

Being positive, I mean.

29

2008-01-24T17:21:00.000+08:00

Been suffering from a rapid and drastic change of emotions lately.

You know... whenever I say 'I don't give a damn' (this phrase is so overused, anyway) about my studies or whatever, I don't mean it. I do, and really do care about my studies. And the only reason I keep saying that is well... to try to convince myself that I don't care when things don't turn out right.

When deep inside I know I do.

I don't understand integers. I cannot remember the functions of cell parts. I got eighteen words wrong for my chinese composition even with my dictionary. I screwed up my english common test.

And oh yes, the bloody lantern.

The rejected, pathetic lantern.

How come I keep feeling I just can't do anything right?

28

2008-01-20T10:35:00.000+08:00

Busy, busy week.

Guitar welcome party was a blast. I didn't exactly enjoy stepping on eggs or sitting on flour, but the games were really fun and just-scream-cause-everyone's-doing-it. The seniors are way way way friendly too. Except for one, anyway.

What a way to make me feel welcomed. Fuckantastic.

I've got nothing else to say. Life had been so... typical.

:Charlene. ♥ the Heineken tee! Sorry about not being very chatty yesterday. Juiced out.

27

2008-01-15T19:44:00.000+08:00

I went back to Poi Ching today (to get the EAGLES thing, which i took 2 whole weeks before I realise I'm suppose to collect it at Poi Ching, and not Anglican).

It felt so much like... home. Chatting with security uncle and the ice-cream auntie, seeing Mrs Lee and Jasmine and her mom, or simply walking through the oh-so-familiar gate I've walked past for six years.

Maybe its because I never did learn to let go, but I really am missing 6go7. It had been three whole years spent together. There was a distinct gap between the volleyball and basketball players at the start of primary 4. Gradually, we started to bond together, and tightly. I'll never forget how Mr Soo and the boys never failed to make me laugh till my stomach hurts real bad every single day. I'll never forget how I past time in the early mornings by sitting on the floor and spinning (or trying to spin) books with the girls, and pissing all the teachers off. Or with the whole class spinning with Mr Soo (:D). Mass run, health carnival, sports day, trainings,straw hearts and everything too.

Even Mr Poh is missed.

Its not that I can't bond with 1c. I mean, 1c is super hyper after the first week of school and everyone's really nice. I'm sort of getting the hang of moving around Anglican too. Its just that... its not 6g without 6g.

Moody moody. Ugh, let it pass, let it pass, let it pass.

26

2008-01-12T13:05:00.001+08:00

Feeling shitty, damn it.

Could you feel the ups without the downs?
Could you turn back after you took the first step?
Could everything thing turn back to normal with something that simple said?

I don't wanna waste another day.

in vital need of reform.

25

2008-01-10T18:34:00.001+08:00

Its surprising how my classroom happens to be on the fourth level, resulting in me having to climb all the way UP (after climbing the damn hill, mind you) and then DOWN for flag raising. And after ten minutes we had to climb all the way UP again for lessons. There's two recess, so thats another four times going UP and DOWN. There's (science) practical lesson, home economics lesson, art lesson and music lesson that requires me to get DOWN and to the other side of the building and DOWN again.

Goddamn it.

Oh... and those buttons on the uniform, its really tires me out after a week. Put it ON, take if OFF. Put it ON, take it OFF. Put it ON, and take it OFF. Great, I'm going up and down the stairs and putting on and taking off buttons all day long.

Look, I understand its the way the uniform works, and I should be mentally prepared when I chose Anglican. But still.

I'm not complaining. O-K, I am.

Anyway, besides the two points above, I'm really happy to get back to school/Anglican High. Except for having to be practically dragged off my bed by my mom in the mornings, yeah. Anyway, its feel really good to be back with people of the same age as me, in a classroom, with the teacher teaching (or is it preach-ing?). Its nice to be able to gain control of my life again.

wake up -> school -> home -> homework -> television/computer -> sleep

Oh, and I love Mrs Ong like abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz. She's so experienced in teaching Maths! And sometimes really funny too! And I LOVE maths like abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyznowiknowmyabcnexttimewon'tyousam ewithme. Maths is super super coooooooooooooooool.

Hyper.

Why? Because tomorrow's a Friday, goondu(:
I think I flunk my cloze passage and editing today, though.

24

2008-01-06T13:03:00.000+08:00

So in the last 141 hours or so, I realised that 1) I am a big-headed, careless, outright stupid and forgetful moron. I actually forgot that 5th JAN was the day I was supposed to get my bursary money, and missed the whole ceremony. 2) I had to write a letter to explain my absence so that my bursary money could be released and given to the big-headed, careless, outright stupid and forgetful moron (namely me). 3) I had to beg the big-headed, careless, outright stupid and forgetful moron's (namely me) aunt to help write the letter.

4) Tampines Mall still gives me sensory overload. 5) YOU CAN GET GET TORIQ FROM TAMPINES MALL BASEMENT 1. Whee. 6) B.U.M has really, really pretty clothes. 7) I lost my school badge. 8) I could only buy it, (my school badge) on Monday. Which also meant that I'm in high risk of getting caught. Thankfully, I didn't. 9) My school socks can actually creep up above my ankles at the end of the day even if I wore it below my ankles in the morning.

10) NCC has hot guys. 11) Chinese Drama and English Drama looks pretty fun. 12) I should check prices before I promise to buy something for someone. So as to be mentally prepared. 13) I miss my primary school friends. Like... alot.

14) I'm officially thirteen years of age. I'm not feeling a whole lot different, if you ask me. 15) I should wish Li Dan, Shi Jie and Jeanette a great and warm HAPPY BIRTHDAY! These three hot babes all happen to be in Anglican High School, are sexy, and have the same birth date as me. :D

16) I should thank everybody who wished me a simple happy birthday, and it really made my day! :D 17) Bro was really cute yesterday. He was like, "I forgot to buy you present, take 50$ from my wallet go buy something you like.". Mom, "Don't be so generous lei.". Bro, "Orh. Go take 5$ from my wallet buy something you like.". =.=

Its the light, and not the dark, that we fear most.

23

2008-01-01T20:36:00.001+08:00

So now... New Year Resolutions!

1) Be nicer to everyone. Or try to, anyway. Niceties could be excused on people who obviously needs a wallop though.

2) Be a super duper nice-tempered and patient person. Which includes - not losing my temper just because I have to repeat something to my mom a gazillion times before she understands, not getting pissed if I happen to miss a MRT train/bus right in front of my face, hurting someone with my words at a heat of a moment (mom always, always, happen to get this one) and eat slower/slowly.

3) Be more disciplined. For studies, I should stop procrastinating and letting all my work pile up as high as Mount Everest. Revise when I have to, and don't. let. the. device. I'm. currently. staring. at. distract. me. For exercise, I should just, um, yeah, go everytime I have to.

4) Make new, close friends, but not forgetting my lovely primary schoolmates. And teachers.

5) Lastly, learn to be happy with what I already have and cherish them. Stop asking for more.

I want a shoulder bag.

That was, of course, to contradict #5. Well, not really. :p

"I don't like you la. I don't like you la. I don't like you la."
"Why?"
"Cause you chase me out of my room."
"I kickkkkk you out of the house ar!"

22

2007-12-29T15:23:00.000+08:00

Anglican Orientation Camp from twenty-seventh to twenty-ninth. Although leaving me really exhausted, it had still been a great experience.

I can't get high after this one month behind the computer screen and being rather anti-social. Moreover Anglican didn't felt like a second home... yet, yeah.

Oh, and I did managed to make some friends from OG7 (unlike what I originally thought of) but I still got higher when I hanged out with Agnes in the early mornings after we shower.

Many thanks to Yunxuan and Lingxin, the student councilors and everybody else who helped out in the orientation camp.

AH ke mah mah
Olay olay ah ah
AH ke mah mah
Olay olay ah ah
AH *ahh*
AH *ahh*
Eh bah

Time to dive into my sex-ay bed.

21

2007-12-25T16:36:00.000+08:00

I closed the door.
Like so many times, so many times before.

I climbed the walls.
I can see the edge.
But I can't take the fall, no.

Merry, merry Christmas.

So much had happened, and I'm so tired, tired of it all.

Why can't you do what you promised? Why can't you see I'm different from her? Why can't you realise I don't like to be pushed around?

Why?

There are only two colours in the world: Black and white. The slight smudge which is gray seems to fit into both, but just simply don't belong.

It all depends on how you look at it.

20

2007-12-21T16:28:00.000+08:00

I cannot say I'm not at all bothered at the lack of conversation in my class. Everyone was being so hostile, staring at whoever who came to join the class. I told that to Bro, and he said its always like this, and we'll know each other soon enough. I hope...

But still, I like Anglican. They're really organised so things always turned out as planned. And the student councils run so much activities there. I want to join student council. Please please please let me join the student council. Student council!!!

I want Mrs Hudd to be my form teacher. But I still much rather prefer Mr Soo.

I don't think I'm ready for the new environment. Or new anything for the matter. I want to study with my girlfriends again, I want to be back to the teachers-will-push-you days instead of the teachers-will-not-push-you you-have-to-push-yourself days upcoming. I want to just be able to walk through the familiar aged hallways again, looked out of the window during Mr Poh's lessons, slipped on the dirty blue uniform in the morning when I prepare to go to school.

Can I?

19

2007-12-18T11:03:00.001+08:00

LYNUS ♥ LYNUS ♥ LYNUS ♥ LYNUS ♥ LYNUS

Casslyn's belated-birthday sakae sushi treat yesterday. Sweet, no sweat. We polished off 30 over plates between us from 3.30pm - 5.40pm. It costs $64.05 (!) and I'm feeling guilty now. Oops. (PE-EKTURES)

I forgot Casslyn couldn't wear black -because she kept losing things when she did- and bought her a black shirt. She gave it back to me, and we went to get a necklace together. Sorry, Cass. )':

Try not asking me things which I've no decision over.

18

2007-12-11T14:53:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PATHETIC!
We should go sakae someday. Before I turn thirteen. So that I could still go in under kid's buffet. :D

Rock on.

17

2007-12-10T16:21:00.000+08:00

Hello world, again.

So much had happened this few days. It came all so fast that I could barely comprehend. Great, another lost soul.

Chen and family, together with Bro left for Hong Kong yesterday. They're probably at the flight to Macau now. I can't wait for Bro to get back on Friday. (You know, we went out on Saturday to get his jeans so that he doesn't freeze to death at HK. We walked to Expo. Then I was like "Take this route la, this one more direct ma, go that side will go one round de". It turned out to be WAY longer compared to his route and he was like "I've got a stupid sister, ohmy." =.=)

Goddad couldn't get tickets back from Perth to Singapore or to Genting.

You know what that means?

No vacation for sweet, little, old me.

Sad.

Its okay, I'll get over it soon.

They're coming back soon anyway. On the 13th (Thursday). After that it'll be busy busy for me. I WANT A B E A U TIFUL SLINGBAG. ):

I saw a Levi's watch yesterday. And it was so hot! But mom said it looked like toy watches. After she saw the price, of course.

The only thing I like about Golden Compass is that they make witches nice people, instead of the usual evil, wicked ones who poison they're stepdaughters with apples.

I've been playing Diablo II lately. It's pretty nice, same RPG concepts, but with great graphics and sound. My paladin died at the 5th quest, all thanks to Bro for telling me paladins are easy to play, my foot. I DIED AT THE 5TH QUEST. ACT ONE 5TH QUEST. I DIED!

Hyper.

16

2007-12-05T22:42:00.000+08:00

Date with the girls today. Enjoyed. :D
It felt funny holding Agnes and Charlene's hand.
Whatever. I'm straight, by the way.

PE-EKTURES

15

2007-12-03T18:12:00.000+08:00

Thanks to Charlene, for the hospitality received at your house.

It had been fun just talking to you. You've been great company.

I like talking. Talking makes you smarter.

I realised on the way home: I've got a lot to learn. I'm so shallow to whine about certain things, when out there people are suffering. I'm too protected in my own little bubble to realise how tough life had been for others.

I should learn to treasure.

I must.

14

2007-12-02T12:17:00.000+08:00

It makes me think back.

Back to the start of the year.
Back to the time where the road seemed tough ahead.
Back to when we stand together, through thick and thin.
I don't want this to end.
I don't want to start anew.

I like it when we're called 'one'. No... I loved it.

Can we take it back?
Take it back to the day when we first met?

If I could, I'll just start all over again.

Okay. Now let's get this situation clear - I'm actually a very suaku person, not to the extent of oooh-ing and aaah-ing over square-like-black-things-that-keeps-people-inside, but enough to get lost in Orchard. I mean, seriously, I've no idea how to get around there. I know there's a Wheelock's Place. And a Takashimaya, but the rest? Blank.

And I tend to develop sensory overload at anywhere 80% crowded with people (totally Tampines Mall, eh?). Everywhere I looked were people, people, and still people.

First was the no-idea-how-to-get-around-there, then the whole crowded thing. Anything else? Oh yes, I got this really bad tummy ache.

Bad day.

We buzzed around a bit, than grabbed a bite at Mc'D before Uncle YX and Aunt TT (with their two sons, aged 2 years and 9 months) joined us. We bought Bro's blazer and pants for his prom. I babysit their 2 year old son. It was nightmare. I had to chase after him round and round the department store, not forgetting being stared by everyone.

We headed to Swensens for ice-cream (EARTHQUAKE. Wee.) after that.

I didn't bought anything there. Yeah, I spotted a few nice Levi's... and a pair of canvas shoes, but they were rather pricey, and I didn't want to ask money from Mom. So yeah... next time.

MOTS: Don't ever babysit 2 year olds; try not to go to Orchard or Tampines on weekends/holidays; save more money.

I SPOILED MY SEXY WALLET TODAY. )':

13

2007-11-28T10:13:00.000+08:00

I know these lists never seemed to work for me, but whatever, I'm getting a little bit too addictive to my computer lately. I need some self-control.

(To be done by end of holidays)

1) Dvorak. Sad case, I can't get it right and keep confusing it with the normal keys. Right now I'm still at home row, for 3 weeks. Oh, well.

2) Malay. You can stop laughing now, but I'm going to learn Malay. I'm going to learn Malay. I'm going to learn Malay. Sad. I'm planning to just get the basics right anyway.

3) Clean out: ~~wardrobe~~, ~~bookshelf~~, ~~drawers~~. [DONE]

4) Buy: green pen x1, black pen x1, protractor, water bottle, new books, new uniform, white shoes, NEW SOCKS, ~~hair band~~, ~~clips~~, (the rest down from list could be put off to a later date, I'm broke) girlfriend necklace, shorts x1, sling-bag, pouch.

5) Programming. Unsure, depends on Bro. He's busy as a bee.

6) Complete reading: ~~Nineteen Minutes~~. Re-read: Falling Leaves, Angels&Demon, Nineteen Minutes.

7) Read Bro's Secondary One maths textbook.

8) Scan through new Secondary School books (Bro's textbook's syllabus should be different from mine. I mean, we're six years apart!)

9) After the three/six months dance course (which I'm too old for), ask for guitar/electric guitar lessons.

10) Go out with mates. One. Two.

11) Get Casslyn's birthday present.

12) Improve Vocabulary.

Done. Ohmy, the list seemed to get longer and longer everytime I try to do this. Whatever. Its just for reference anyway.

12

2007-11-27T01:09:00.000+08:00

Nothing more to say; nothing left to explain.

Here it is, after (finally) winning my mom in the AHS vs CCHMS fight. :D

1) Anglican High School
2) Chung Cheng High (Main) School
3) Tanjong Katong Secondary School
4) Dunman Secondary School
5) Ngee Ann Secondary School
6) Bedok (something) Secondary School

I want to learn guitar.

11

2007-11-23T18:34:00.000+08:00

That's it. I'm back to normal. Wee.

I realised everyone was being super nice to me yesterday la. I mean, grandma totally bought me this big big hot dog and prata roll thingy to cheer me up. She never buys me hot dogs, she and my mom are like in the anti-hot-dog-and-ham-association or something.

Mom even agreed to grilled chicken for lunch yesterday without a fight! Whoo.

Whatever. Everyone was being nice to me on MSN too. It makes me feel like there's so much benefits being sad.

Onwards, to AHS open house, MRT/bus ride to CGS and Bro's Sakae Sushi treat! :D

CHEN'S HAIR IS THE BOMB!

10

2007-11-22T18:44:00.000+08:00

Since everyone's just gonna die on 2012, December 21st due to a global cataclysm/alignment of the whatever whatever of Earth, it makes my PSLE aggregate look insignificant. It doesn't matter what I get anymore, I did what I could, and we're just going to die someday.

I'm happy now.

Wait. That actually means I'm going to die soon. Oh no. HELP!!!

http://www.levity.com/eschaton/Why2012.html

I don't wanna die.

Prayers, anybody?

“Change is accelerating now, and it will continue to accelerate.” If the people of the earth can get to this 2012 date in good shape, without having destroyed too much of the Earth, Mr. Barrios said, we will rise to a new, higher level.

9

2007-11-22T18:07:00.001+08:00

You know what, when I first got handed the results slip and Mr Soo was like 'Well done', I thought I did well - until I lifted up the S1 posting exercise thingy and its like 'POW'. The first words that came into my mind was "IMBA MAN". Reality started to sink in soon though, it wasn't good, it wasn't good at all. It was lousy, lousy, lousy.

I didn't cried in school, I mean, how embarrassing, I don't want the last impression of my primary school peers of me to be a crybaby. Well, most of my closer friends already know that, but I'm talking about the hi-bye sort of friends.

I cried all the way home. And at home, though.

It was/were an easy paper(s). It shows, really, it does. 76 schools (about there, can't really remember) got at least one >275 pupil this year, compared to 2006's 29 schools, its like, way better.

Which means, in other words, a lot of people are doing well, which also means that, schools are going to accept pupils with higher aggregate compared to the ones they showed in the secondary school book 2 thing.

Ok. That is all my assumption. What that basically left me crying, too.

It pisses me off how much I knew I could had done better. I mean, come on, I used the computer everyday instead of being on hiatus for one month before PSLE or something. Thinking back, the time could had been put to so much of a better use.

Bro and mom are being really nice, but it just hurt me more that way.

You know what, since I can't bloody hell change anything by crying, I'll just have to work hard (and be a lot more serious) for my future examinations. Because, I really, really don't want to feel what I'm feeling now for another time. That empty feeling. Sucks.

PS: I really did tried hard not to swear.

8

2007-11-19T15:51:00.000+08:00

I'm afraid.
Afraid to use my eyes and see.
Afraid to listen with my ears.
Afraid to to touch.
What happens after all is said and done? What happens after reality struck?
I want a hug.
I want a kiss.

I want a life.

I had a weird dream last night. Its so stupid that I didn't even knew whether I dreamed it or not. Will I, me, really dreamed of something that retarded?

Guess only Casslyn understands how stupid it is. I hope things work out for you.

I'm not actually here for any ranting today. Oh well.

8 hours of Maplestory with Bro + laughing at people in Maplestory = Lots of FUN. <3

PS: this post is dedicated to: Casslyn.

7

2007-11-17T20:49:00.000+08:00

Vitamin C - Graduation Song Friends Forever

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of the night in June
I Didn't know much of love, but it came too soon
And there was me and you, and then it got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone and
We would get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at our selves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change, from whatever
We will still be, friends forever

So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money
When we look back now, will that joke still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there? Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

And now my tears have a mind of its own.

6

2007-11-16T23:25:00.000+08:00

I bolted out of the door, hastily half slipped on my shoes, waved a half-hearted goodbye and started running. I ran, and I ran. It was 2.34pm, and I was running late. After a good 300m, I slowed down after seeing other prize-winners still taking their own sweet time walking to school.

I reached school 5 minutes early.

I sat on the floor, barely registering the environment. I saw the podium. I saw Mr Soo. The rest was pretty much of a blur. My bangs were clipped up, my belt was in the belt-hole, my prefect tie was on, my socks were above my ankle, they had no reason to 'single you out and tell you to go to the washroom and tidy up'.

We were taken to our seats. I waited, and waited, for something to happen. Nothing did, I didn't even knew what I was waiting for. Up. Down. Left. Right. Left. Up. Right. Down. I muttered. To the rubric's cube.

Parents started filling in at 3.30pm, mostly happy faces - they had the right to be, it was, after all, they and their kid's proud moment. I told mom not to come. I didn't do well enough, there wasn't a point.

As I gaze out to the sea of faces (some getting rather impatient due to the half an hour long wait with nothing interesting actually happening), I've got the sudden urge of leaving. It wasn't worth it, 3 boring rehearsals was apparently not enough, they had to make us wait a full hour. Not adding in the one and a half hour actual ceremony duration.

I stayed put. Nah, if I did that, I'll have a lot of explanations to do.

The ceremony started. The band played. Kids went around to hug their parents under Mr Chong's instructions. The primary ones started going up one by one.

I didn't felt scared. I didn't felt nervous. I barely felt anything, except bored, and very bored.

After Ethel's and Ruizheng's speech, the primary sixes finally got to get their vouchers and get hell outta there.

I forgot how I felt on stage.

It was over soon. I changed to my PE, and started chatting with Weizhong.

WZ: Mr Soo, she bully me (points at me)
Me: What thing?
MS: She bully you ah? Huo gai.

Charlene finally answered my phone call. I headed to the coffee shop. We chatted a little and went back to school. I gave out the ice-cream given out by Mr Poh, mostly to the 6G boys.

The instructors soon relentlessly told the primary fives and sixes to settle down. Tough luck, it took so long. They tried to get us high, they really did, but I just can't get any higher than feeling low. After a 2 hours wait, who could? The others weren't very responsive either.

I got high with the help of my friends during the dinner break though. There was the Cristal and Charlene's cuckoo song, the Javyn and Timothy porn scene, the Yiting and Casslyn catching act, the Agnes and her hello joke.

I started participating more in session two of the campfire. We took individual photos with the help of Glen's dad. After that, Mr Soo sat down with us and we just started chatting while cheering on our classmates. Xianxun and Weiyong gave it all out man, rock on. (Mr Soo actually look really funny with the ice-cream stick in his mouth, I have to admit).

We screamed for Mr Soo to get up and dance. He did. They were told to pair up and dance like in a MV. It was hilarious.

We singed at the end. I didn't cry. Nobody around me did. But yes, I'm sad. Sad about leaving this school. Sad about leaving my friends. Sad about no longer being in the same classroom as 6g07 and joking all through class. Sad about being sad.

I didn't meant to sound like the end of the world, mind you, but that is/was what I'm feeling.

We went to play with firecrackers at the void deck. Burn on, for the time we'd spent together. Burn on, for the memories that's left. Burn on, for 6g07.

It was farewell after that.

We went separate ways home. Like what we're doing after today, going our separate ways, to our individual schools. We'll no longer be called 'one'.

Bye... take care.

5

2007-11-12T14:36:00.000+08:00

I'm scared, OK? There's no point denying it anymore. When something, just something that you seemed to have worked on for half your life, you want it to turn out well. This is the first real opportunity I could prove to everyone (mainly my family members) I'm no longer someone who can't be thrust and/or can't be given responsibility.

Ten days. Just ten days.

It creeps me out the way it'll end. Good, or no good, just in a piece of paper. Simple, yet so darn important.

My headache subsided, but I skipped school today all the same (I totally got a MC, OK?!). I want to treasure the times I still have in primary school, but you know? I won't miss it so bad if I simply spend less time in it.

Like, the higher you climb, the greater the speed when you fall.

PS: I swear, Agnes, I won't forget you as we move on. You'll always, always, be my best wife ever.

PSS: I hope, please, that Casslyn don't get lost in Bangkok. God bless her.

4

2007-11-11T20:36:00.001+08:00

I'm sick. Like super duper sick.

It started with a piercing headache in the morning. It was so bad, I could barely open my eyes. Papa and momma took me to the clinic, and I was diagnosed with tension headache. It simply meant I had headaches very frequently (but today turned out to be the worse, ever).

It's not exactly untrue. I get headaches almost every school day when my school bus drop me off and then the short walk to my house. It lasted only for about 5-10 minutes, so I didn't mention it to my parents. It had been happening for more than a year.

Now the million dollar question is, how am I going to conquer my bloody tension headache?

Panadols was what the -cute- doctor recommended.

Now I can look forward to eating panadols as often as me eating ice-cream, which is a lot, not forgetting to add.

Alleluia.

Did I mention that I vomited in the afternoon?

Man, my throat hurt so bad after that. But boy, I felt so much better after throwing up.

Oh. And the doctor said today's headache was so bad only because of my unfortunate big break down last night. I don't wanna talk about it anymore, it's over, and I can't do anything about it. But hell yeah, I still can't believe I wasted $944.38 for something that's only going to last me for two years.

My mom said my face looked like a big red tomato after my one hour break down last night.

Thinking back, I must had looked like someone who got dumped by her bastard boyfriend, then cried the whole night, slit and ate multiple panadols to the doctor. My parents must be so proud.

I should, go and rest.

3

2007-11-07T19:23:00.000+08:00

I don't know whether I should cry or laugh.

Yes, its going to be over soon, my primary school life, coming to a full stop. I've learned a lot of things from this past six years, from the stress of school to peer pressure, from knowledge in books to learning from people around you, from caring and being cared.

I remembered, in primary one, all I wanted was to 'grow up'. I always complained that time was going far too slowly.

Ah, the good old times.

Then came primary two, where my results improved drastically thanks to my tuition teacher. I made it into 3F and met Casslyn, eventually becoming best of friends. We hang out together, went for the volleyball tryout together, train together and were inseparable.

We entered the sports class. I met new (now firm) friends, and learned a lot from volleyball trainings and competitions. I got into primary five. It was a one of the tougher years, my mathematics took a great plunge, but it taught me to get up and try again.

Primary six. Where I'm talked to more like an adult, and less like immatures. There was stress, yes, from PSLE, but I still had tons of fun in class, and great times with my asshit friends.

Then now. Standing (actually, sitting, but let's leave that alone for now) here and looking back, I've grown so much. Oh, so much.

My First Day In Primary School.
My First Friends.
My First Crush
My First Examination.
My First Competition.
My First Outing.
...

Now, that its coming to an end (and there's nothing I could do about it), I want to say a big thank-you to all who had helped me become the person I am today.

There'll be new first-times as I go on, but primary school? Will be kept inside. Deep, deep inside.

PS: This post is dedicated to: Agnes, who commented that I 'bo' blog. See! I'll do everything you ask me to do. (:

2

2007-11-04T18:09:00.000+08:00

Take care, Taslyn.

Timothy's party, yesterday.

I had a great time - especially when we all went down the pool. It feels funny swimming around in a heavy and loose denim shorts, I've to say. We raced, screamed, had water fights, persuaded Casslyn down the pool and the boys did water-bomb-like-stuff by doing tug-jumps.

I am pretty pissed with what the pool water did to my hair anyway. Argh.

The cake was the bomb!

Its nice to see the boy and girls playing together. We're united - 6go7, forever.

She called. During the party.
I knew it wasn't good news, if not, why can't she wait until I get home?
Boy, was I ever more right?
I didn't like how she made everything sound so great and fantastic once I just give that up.
I didn't like how she made me cry.
I didn't like how much she don't understand me.
Or, was it, how much she does?

The way she played with her words.
She knew I wouldn't say 'no'.
Yes, no matter how much my heart screams at me to say 'no', I couldn't, cause that will as well meant killing my conscience.

Damn it, damn it all.

I won't pray for a miracle to happen.
Because, sometimes, by not having hope at all, you won't be disappointed.
By not putting your trust in something, you'll never get hurt.

1

2007-11-02T14:16:00.001+08:00

Its raining.

Angry.
Feeling or showing anger or strong resentment.
I'm angry at myself, for being too weak, for not being able to hold back my tears, for not being perfect.

Sad.
Affected by unhappiness or grief.
I'm sad. Why did things have to turn out this way?

Concerned.
Troubled or anxious.
I'm concerned about you. Things will turn out right. Hang in there.

Happy.
Delighted, pleased, or glad.
I'm happy to know that they're willing to stand by me, cheer me up, be there for me.

Excited
To arouse or stir up the emotions or feelings of.
I'm excited. There's going to be lots of great tomorrows.

Its raining...